(written 2003)
Kick my brain in the britches
poke it till it itches
humor it to stitches
entice it with riches
scare it with witches
toss it in ditches
whip it with switches
point out it’s glitches
but watch out when it twitches.
Yes ladies and (presumably) gentlemen, for your pleasuuurre, for your entertainment, for your utter indifference, I give you Brain Fart 5.0!
Yes Brain Fart 5.0 is the latest in a long series of Brain Fart’s. Ever since the inception of Brain Fart mankind has taken an active interest in the development of this superb program. It has only recently received wide acclaim and attention and has truly become a global phenomenon ever since Brain Fart 4.9, which discovered that the truly original Brain Fart existed long before the 4000BC version. Some refer to this quite precolumbian version of the prolific software as “prehistoric”, but we know better.
Due to historical records, we are aware of a big crash. What we do not know for certain is which of the previous 746,367,951 years did it happen in? If our calculations are correct, we think it was year 3. What we do not understand as of yet is how such a surprisingly sophisticated Brain Fart Software could possibly exist for such an early time.
We speculate that perhaps the inception of the original Brain Fart program was a specifically timed improbable illogicality, and therefore came into being by pure chance! This we find amazingly inaccurate according to our calculations and therefore conjecture that early Brain Fart programs evolved with the help of early intelligence, and that the anonymous early intelligence soon surpassed the software’s own limited capabilities and therefore improved upon it. Thus it has been a slow process of upgrades until very recently where we noticed a sudden change in Brain Fart production. This we deem as proof that the early intelligence may have been much greater than we had originally thought. This has truly been a breakthrough in understanding the early Brain Fart systems, which have shown gradual changes over hundreds of millions of years. We cannot say which of the years were specifically affected, but we think that if arbitrary brain farts can occur, then we should be able to give or take a few million years and still be pretty accurate. After all, Brain Fart evolution is such an exact science that we must take millions of years to study it. So we must have patience. Twix anyone?
-JHJ